Mexicoma

Mexicoma or Tropical Depression (noun):

1). The sadness that one feels when it is time to return home after vacationing in Mexico (without kids).

My husband and I took our first vacation by ourselves this last week, and I can’t get back into the groove! Everyone told me “you’ll miss baby so much by day two”, but I’m going to be honest, I survived just fine. I mean of course I missed those chubby cheeks, but I could have easily stayed another 5 days. I know, some may call me a “bad mom”, but this vacation seemed to make me mourn my old non-mom life just a bit. Ever since we have been back, all I can think about is our easy-going days, no plans, drinks on the beach, and sleeping in! I know, I know, first world problems. I’m the girl who always cries when it’s time to leave the beach, but this time was the hardest. Just knowing the responsibility I was coming back to and not knowing when this alone time may happen again put me into a bit of a mini mom meltdown or depression, or what I like to call a “mexicoma”.

It’s been a year and a half since we’ve had our sweet boy and sometimes I still wake up thinking what the fuck are we doing?! I assume this is going to continue, like, forever, but I can’t help thinking sometimes, was I cut out for this, am I an awful mom? I’d like to think I’m not the only mama that feels this way. Even writing about this is tough. It’s always scary to put your honest self out there and risk ridicule, but it feels damn good to get it off my chest!

Being a mom is the most challenging experience I have had thus far. I am growing everyday along with this sweet little boy. I needed this vacation as hard as it has been to come back to reality, to mourn my pre-baby life and I think it is just fine for us mamas to do so.