Coming to Terms

The reason I decided to start this blog was because I was feeling stuck. Feeling stuck with who I was, and what my life was now.  Ever since having my son Reed, life has changed so much. It’s not just about me anymore, but also this little human. Before he came along it was all about teaching my group exercise classes, training my clients, cocktails with the girls whenever, and having fun with my hubby. Pretty carefree (I must admit, I do miss it some days, well most days)!

Before Reed, I was teaching about 10-12 classes a week. I was eating healthy, and in amazing shape. I was a bit obsessed, I must admit. I came to a point in my early 20’s were I put on quite a bit of weight. I was working out, but the rest of the time I was not taking care of myself. I finally started to get my shit together, started eating better, adding weights into my workouts, and not drinking so much and I dropped about 30 lbs. I was so scared of gaining my weight back that I always took fitness to the extreme. I feared missing one workout or eating one shitty meal would throw me back to my “chunky” days. I was even scared to become pregnant. I mean we are all a little scared of the gaining weight thing, but I just kept picturing myself going back to the way I had been before and it fucking terrified me! I was so scared that I wouldn’t be able to keep up with my workouts or that I was going to be the pregnant group ex instructor or the pregnant trainer ( I mean who wants to work out with the pregnant girl)?  Why was I so hard on myself?

I finally decided to punch my fear in the face and became pregnant. It was then that I realized my fit life was not over (have I mentioned I’m a total drama queen)! Becoming pregnant was the best thing that ever happened for me personally. I was so obsessed with the vanity part before. I needed to be the leanest, fittest, most energetic all the time. I thought I felt good then, but looking back on it now I was just beating on my body constantly with no recovery. When you are growing a human, it is no longer all about you so I started listening to my body more.

I kept up with my workouts all through my pregnancy. Of course,  I sometimes had to do lighter weights, take more rest days, eat a cupcake, those sorts of things. But you know what, it was fine! I realized missing a workout or slipping up on some food every once in a while was not going to kill me (whether I was pregnant or not), in fact it was better for me! After I  had the baby I took 2 weeks off of working out completely, the most I had ever taken off before. I must admit it was really hard, but again I needed to take care of my body. These may sound like silly basic things, but they were really hard for me.

Since having a baby I’m finally coming to terms with the fact that my body will probably not ever look like it did before and that is ok! Things hurt that didn’t before, I pee my fucking pants during jumps sometimes, my ass is a little fatter with some stretch marks to top it all off, but who cares! That little 17 month old human  has taught me it is not  all about vanity, it is about being strong and healthy. I’ve told my clients this always, but it wasn’t until him that I actually started listening to myself.

Keep rocking mammas, you are way stronger than you think!